I Thought I Saved You
by Scarlett Rogue
Summary: "...but it was you who saved me." Spock and Kirk realize just how much their lives have been defined by the other man. Half Spock's POV, half Jim's POV. Please read the inside intro.


**Summary: "...but it was you who saved me." Spock and Kirk realize just how much their lives have been defined by the other man. Half Spock's POV, half Jim's POV. Plz read inside intro.  
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**Rated: T for swearing**

**I'm running on a Spirk high, have been for about two weeks now, so I hope you guys like this. Also, I will make you guys a promise: If you read and REVIEW this story, I will read and review one of your stories. Why? Because I absolutely love writing Spirk, but I hate how little feedback I get from it. I'm writing this for others to enjoy, and I'd like to know how people feel about it. And I know I'm not the only one. You have my word. Please R&R. **

_Spock's POV_

It's hard to forget my first impression of anyone, let alone of you. How can I forget the man that made me out as a fool in front of all my superiors, the man who pushed me further than any man has ever pushed me? How can I forget the man that made me feel more human than I ever wished to feel?

Perhaps because I did not wish to forget. I wished each day to remember that first look in your eyes, the look that told me that you hated me, distrusted me, distrusted everyone who walked into your life. You were undisciplined, uncontrollable, a mess, it seemed.

And then there was myself. I prided myself on being disciplined, having a multitude of self-control that you did not. I knew my way around the ship, though you were staggering in the dark most days. I knew what I wanted, though you were still lost.

I thought I saved you, though it was you, Jim, who have saved me.

I prided each day, basked in what was false, lived a life I knew I didn't want. I shut up, did what I was told, hid from everyone and from myself. I lived my life believing nobody could ever truly care about me, and so locked myself in my room each night and pulled away from all who showed me acceptance. I didn't want to be liked, as I had always wished for as a child. I didn't want acceptance; I wanted to pretend like isolation was my preference instead of my treatment. I wanted power, I wanted control. I had none of either.

Indeed, I was strong. But so were you. You never stopped caring, never stopped beating down the walls of the cage I had built around myself, the metaphorical hell I forced myself to suffer in silence each day. You showed me a way to feel, feel without regret or want of redemption, to feel love and happiness and acceptance. You showed me that I no longer have to be alone.

For that, you will always be my T'hy'la.

_Kirk's POV_

Do you remember that beautiful, sunny day in Spring when Starfleet called everyone together for that pathetic session to resolve a "troubling matter"? God, maybe you do. You probably remember making me look stupid in front of the people who already had little faith in me, but do you remember the Sun? I do. It was beautiful. I wanted to be outside, lying in the Sun, taking in each lovely ray of light. But then, that was the difference between you and I: I lived, while you pretended to live.**  
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I was more brave than you, by far. Sure, you could Vulcan nerve Pinch me, but looking into your emotions- things that are so much a part of you that you will never get rid of them- scared the hell out of you. You lived by the book, never stepped out of line, made everyone's life significantly harder to live just by being in the same room with them. You barely had a relationship with anyone, let alone someone to hold and love.

And then, there was me. I lived each day to the fullest, I had friends that kept me from getting too reckless, I knew what I wanted and you seemed to be lost in your own desire to assimilate with people that you clearly had little in common with. I didn't mind standing out, while you made it your mission to be like someone else.

I thought I saved you, but it was you, Spock, who saved me.

I wanted so badly to live up to my father, but at the same time I didn't want to be anything like him. I lived on the edge because secretly I loved the adrenaline rush I got from the possibility of falling off. I flirted with every woman I knew because I had been hurt by the one person I loved so deeply, a man, and was afraid to let myself fall again.

Sure, I was quick. But so were you. You saw right through my disguise, saw the pain I covered up on a daily basis with a wide smile and a smart-ass attitude. You knew I was scared of being forgotten, though everyone else though I was just another attention whore looking for the nearest close up. You knew I was afraid of being undermined simply because I was new. You helped me open up and showed me that there was more to life than proving to myself that I _was _worth something. You made me feel whole after a childhood of emptiness.

What can I say? You made me love again.

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! Remember, if you review I'll read and review a story of yours! Let me know if there's any specific story you'd like feedback on. Thanks for reading!  
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